MR. PLAY BY PLAY WANTS TO KNOW-

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE FUTURE?

Since we were kids we’ve been promised flying cars, reversible cosmetic surgery, teleportation, safe and cheap atomic power, video watches, x-ray vision, ray guns, food pills, etc.
Mr. Play-by-Play has looked closely at the present, and he’s not satisfied! Whatever happened to the future? When I was a kid reading science fiction, it seemed 1990 was unimaginably far in the future, and we would all assuredly by then have solved hunger, war, disease and zits.
What happened to the flying cars that we were supposed to be driving?
Why aren’t we living an immortal life of leisure amid egalitarian, utopian cooperation on floating cloud cities, speaking Esperanto and catered to by benevolent robots?
What the hell happened to the future?
Could it be any simpler than the fact that the 5 or 6 corporations that control our economy haven’t figured out how to charge us for it yet?
Emission control laws were enacted 20 odd years ago, and yet when the deadlines come due, the powerful auto companies always lobby for more time, saying that the rules are an unfair business impediment. 40-plus years ago, when President Kennedy announced the race to get a man on the moon, this amazing feat was accomplished in only 7 years, because the country (government, business, the media AND the public) made the issue one of top importance. If all the energy the current administration wasted on denying global warming exists were put to use on its’ research, we’d be that much closer to understanding it. But that’s what you get when you let a small group of fanatics take over your party, a Justice Department whose priorities are pot and porn, not crack and terrorism. Sanctimonious chicken hawks, the lot of ‘em! I put a pox on all their houses. Hypocrits and cowards be they, says Mr. Play-by-Play, trying to legislate what you do to yourself and your partner in the privacy of your own home. And don’t they always find out that the most gung-ho GOP guys turn out to be closeted homosexuals, boozehounds, cross-dressers, druggies, or male escorts? Figure that one out.
Oops. I seem to have strayed somewhat from my original thesis, which was, um, something about the future, let’s see, here it is, yes…What the hell happened to the future? Well, it seems flying cars, like cell phones, cable TV and the internet before them, are not very practical until the network is in place, i.e., a complex tangle of international agreements as to flight levels, maps and paths, and long expensive years of research and development to develop a car and guidance system that is rated safe enough so that the insurance industry will insure you against driving through someone’s roof. Somebody (the consumer, eventually) would have to pay big bucks for this.
Video watches, I don’t know why you don’t see those. I’ve seen some as novelties. I guess people prefer to have their devices as handheld, rather than worn, although I have increasingly noticed upwardly mobile idiots wearing those annoying earpieces that always remind me of Star Trek. Tired of forgetting your phone? A communications implant may be just what you’re looking for. But oh my gosh, what if you accidentally activated the implant, and called someone while you were having sex or taking a growler? Just talk into the freckle, sir…
Speaking of Star Trek, forget about that beautiful shimmering light of transportation as your atoms gently fade here and re-assemble, right as rain, not a molecule out of place, at another location. That bullshit’s never gonna work. Ever seen Cronenberg’s The Fly? That’s a more realistic portrayal of how that scenario would probably occur.
X-ray vision, well, those glasses in the back of comic books never worked, but our government is testing a device for use by airport screeners that lets you see through clothes. I’m on the waiting list to buy the first commercial model. But it seems radiation is not as safe or easy to control as the government would have liked you to believe in the 1950s. No safe and non-polluting atomic powered cars are on the horizon for you anytime soon, buddy.
Food pills, feh. It seems our bodies’ nutrients are absorbed better by eating real food. And it tastes better, too. Who’d a thunk it? So Big Agribusiness has biologically altered engineered crops for human consumption. We are told that they are perfectly safe, just like they told us atomic power was… At least the epicurean predictions of Soylent Green didn’t come true, as far as we know.
Ray guns. Jumping Jehosephat, I want my Ray gun. Where are they? Don’t they trust the public with them? Come on, it’s just a little focused beam of energy, what could go wrong? Don’t you want the guy on your block whose yard is full of half-disassembled cars to be the first to have his own energy destructor beam? As those Ohio poets The Dead Boys used to sing, “Sonic reducer, ain’t no loser...”
In fairness, the computer/electronics industry amazes us daily with new “futuristic” innovations and gimmicks, the technology of replacement body parts has greatly increased, the pharmaceutical companies keep churning out wonder pills for ailments many of us never even knew we had, and researchers have apparently made great strides in cracking the DNA code, clones and nanobots. If we don’t poison or blow ourselves up first, the future looks very bright (for those who can afford it!)
But then again, artificial intelligence turned out to be a lot harder than we expected it to be. In other words, don’t worry about those pesky robots conspiring to take over any time soon. At least humans don’t crash for no reason or get some weird computer bug. And Jules Verne’s Invasion of the Sea and H.G. Wells’ The Stolen Bacillus aside, I don’t remember Verne or Wells ever mention terrorism or computer hacking. The fact that not everyone would want to join in and celebrate the triumph of the techno-state, and in fact devote energies to its downfall and harassment is an outlook I think most euro-centric minds of a hundred years ago would not likely have predicted.
In Alfred Bester’s book Tiger! Tiger! (aka The Stars My Destination), the rich citizens amused themselves with cosmetic surgery, indulging it monthly. As soon as the technology catches up, this scenario will happen. Vanity is one industry where the initial high expense will not be a deterrent to the consumer. The book’s use of telepaths as corporate spies is echoed in companies using “remote viewing” to see things in the competitors’ boardroom that might give them an edge in the market.
The sad flippin’ fact is that with the technology available TODAY, we could have an actual participatory democracy, instead of the sorry-ass representative republic we currently suffer under. And without freedom from today’s reckless batch of greedy global corporate exploiters and polluters, if you run out of oil to make and run your SUV, laptop, cell phone and so on, what’s the use of having them in your air-conditioned house when the grid goes down? Some computer company is making $100 laptops to give to impoverished Africans; the money needed to give each and every one of our citizens their own of those computers to vote on a cyber-election would cost a fraction of the Iraq war. But where’s the profit in that? In order for this sci-fi concept of free and direct digital democracy to spread, you have to use a marketing technique and make it something people desire, make it cool. Maybe we could throw some supermodels in the TV ads, I don’t know. You need it promoted by public leaders, reinforced in our media, on The O.C. and Oprah, on American Idol and Pimp My Ride, on Antiques Roadshow and [insert young person reference here.] Make it a point of national pride, like the moon landings. You get my point? Modern computer and satellite technology could create a digital town forum for actual “fair and balanced” discussion of issues, rather than the biased bleatings of lobbyists or re-election concerned congressmen. And it certainly has the potential for us to all simultaneously vote first-hand on the issues that are now decided for us behind doors and far from needed sunshine. Until then, without help from our corrupt government and media, and ourselves asleep at the wheel, we are, as always, subject to the golden rule. Whoever has the gold, makes the rules.
See you in the future.