MICROBUDGET MASSACRE 7:
Hysteric Eric Takes a Look at
Four Indy Fish Monster Flicks!

William Winckler’s Frankenstein Vs. The Creature From Blood Cove is an enjoyably nostalgic black and white camp homage to 30s-50s horror classics. A mad scientist digs up Frankenstein’s Monster in a misguided attempt (aren’t they all?) to end terror by creating a super-assassin who can depose dictators and remain unharmed. (Maybe he should start at home!)
A photographer for a skin mag and his assistants stumble into the doctor’s seaside lab after two models are murdered (but not before they strip) by an escaped sea monster, one of the aforementioned mad scientist’s failed experiments in mind control.
The skin mag gimmick is, of course, an excellent excuse to feature a couple of oceanside photo shoots of models separating from their bikinis. Not that I’m complaining, mind you! No, no, no.
Featuring a werewolf attack, surfer fu, cameos from Lloyd Kaufman and Ron Jeremy, and the ghost of Dr. Frankenstein, who is none too pleased at his monster’s resurrection.
Played with an archly raised eyebrow, the camp approach means you’d expect hammy performances, and yes, there are several examples to enjoy here, especially G. Larry Butler as the mad doctor Lazaroff. There’s a flaming hairdresser character (Percy Featherstone, don’t you know) that makes every stereotypical gay double entendre you can think of, and tosses off a few film references, to boot. He kinda reminded me of Lou Costello in those old Abbott and Costello meet Frankenstein or whoever movies.
The monsters all looked like something you’d find in a period monster movie. The sea monster looked particularly cool. Well done for the time, as they say. I found myself wishing they could have found a way to squeeze a mummy in the film, too.
The use of black and white in the film is a tip of the hat to its’ influences, of course, as well as a good way to soften the often too crisp look of things shot on video.
The swirling organ music adds a disarmingly silly accent to the film, especially the ridiculous slow-moving fight scenes between the monster and the creature (“They could be here forever.”). The cribbed classical music fits well, too. Fitting the period feel of the film, there’s no real gore, but you do get some nekkid ladies. It might even be OK for kids, if it weren’t for the disappearing bikinis, the swishy jokes, the strip club, and the cracking of necks that the Monster is so fond of.
I had a feeling during the movie that the main character would be played by the director – and I was right. Not to say that he was bad, cause he did fine. It’s just that in indie films you have to use all your resources, including pressing yourself into service, if need be.
Technically very well made, i.e., in focus and lit well, sounded good, etc. Affection for the influence material (Universal & Hammer films) is obvious, and really shows through in the film, but the flick is better because it’s not bound by those G-rated restraints, and isn’t afraid to stretch out and be more than a straight homage.
Good clean dirty fun. Check it out at: http://www.williamwincklerproductions.com/ and go buy it from www.tempevideo.com.

Camp Motion Pictures’ first non-retro release Splatter Beach is directed by the Polonia Brothers, Mark and John, and is a successor to their 1987 Splatter Farm, which Camp has also recently re-issued in a lovely package.
It opens with a model with big fake boobs being attacked by a sea monster in the shower. The plot involves a vacationing journalism student investigating the mysterious disappearances in a beach town and a girl he meets (Erin Brown, aka Misty Mundae, who turns out to be the best actor in it).
Bad dialogue and feeble cheesy sight gags, sound effects and jokes populate Splatter Beach; thank god the occasional nude scene accents it. Disappointingly spare on the gore. Instead, we get POV shots, blood with no wounds and cutaways with perhaps one bloody neck stump. The beach party movie within the beach party movie looked like it would have been more fun than Splatter Beach. I liked the middle-aged muscle guy, he was funny, but his lines just were not very interesting. The beach party scene suffers an awkward use of green screen, trying to integrate shots done at different times. Painfully poor dialogue and unrelenting mediocrity bring it down.
Best part of the movie is the monster suits by Brett Piper. I wanted to like Splatter Beach, but found it obvious and uninspired. The (barely shown til the end) monster looks like a scary version of The Grinch mixed with alien from Whitley Streiber book and movie Communion. In fact, they thought it funny enough to have a character exclaim “Holy Communion” when seeing the monster for the first and last time.
Comes with a CD collecting the film’s surf soundtrack. Really, I advise that you steer clear of this stinker, but if you can’t live without it, get it from www.CampMotionPictures.com.

Aquanoids must have spent all of its’ budget on underwater photography, because the money is not otherwise visible on-screen. Someone should have spent the time to use spellcheck, as witness the cover art that reads, “Underwater no one can HERE you scream.”
Big fake boobs in the credits set the tone. A couple making out are attacked by the Aquanoids, who look like crab people with rock faces. Our heroine is a trampy looking broad and her trampy token black friend, neither of whom seem to have jobs or lives. The Aquanoids came 20 years ago and killed 17 people, including our heroine’s mom, but it was covered up, and now her and her dad are considered town laughingstocks. The slutty girls try to warn people of the Aquanoids’ return, but are laughed at by beachgoers, and the mayor’s aide tries to silence the girls permanently.
Production values aspire to be those of a Fred Olen Ray film or other Skinemax title. Standard Jaws rip-off story line, with a greedy mayor (looks like a cross between H.G. Lewis and Martin Scorcese) who refuses to close the beaches and thus scare away tourists and developers.
Some friends of mine liked its’ cheap and sleazy vibe, but I found it dull, stupid and pointless. Quick cuts, with lots of blood, but no visible wounds. No suspense, lackluster death scenes, and none of the character’s actions seem to make sense (Hmmm, there’s a man-eating creature out there, so I think I’ll paddle out in my raft, put my goggles on and stick my face in the water to look for monsters. What could possibly go wrong?) The TV reporter gal makes love with her bra and panties on, is this the TV edit, or did she just not want to expose her cans for this crappy movie? Not even that much fun, despite the frequent augmented breasts populating the film. Bad acting noticeably removes your ability to believe; you are constantly aware you are watching a bad movie. Unfortunately, not bad in an inspired or interesting way.
Woman gives birth to alien baby, and squishes its ugly head, in what is probably the best scene in the film, not that that’s saying much.
Utterly forgettable. Aqua-wha? Responsible party: www.cinemacabre.com.

Next up is Creature From The Hillbilly Lagoon, a new horror comedy from Richard Griffin, who made the zombie opus Feeding The Masses (see review elsewhere on this site) that I really enjoyed. Made in 2005 as Seepage! this was just released by Shock-O-Rama, where it will get some deserved distribution.
This one is intentionally funny, and while cornier than Feeding The Masses, it succeeds where films like the above-mentioned Splatter Beach don’t, with people (at least me) laughing in the right spots and comedy and characters that are endearing instead of annoying. Yes, it’s juvenile, has in-jokes, amateur acting and rude humor, but somehow it never descends into the morass of mediocre self-pleasuring that I see in other no-budget flicks.
Obligatory plot reference: Students researching river pollution discover mutant fish creatures who (bet you didn’t see this one coming) start attacking anyone unlucky enough to come across them, including researchers, assorted rednecks and guys in hazmat suits, leaving only bloody skeletons in their wake. The people who just get bitten become infected, and start to grow gills and webbed fingers. Some skullduggery by an evil chemical corporation adds to the intrigue, and yes, Virginia, there is a mad scientist. (With a trained fish monster serving tea!) The mad scientist tells the unlucky guests that with the mutants being all males, they of course need human females for reproduction! Holding a needle she says, “You may feel a slight prick…and then a not-so-slight prick.”
The professor seemed the same age as her students, and I didn’t buy her in the role (like it matters.) Like other no-budgies, some of the bad acting is distracting, but most is enjoyably over-the-top. The incestuous redneck daddy-daughter couple is fun, even if gun-toting Daddy seems a little young for the role. “Daddy, you done smoked yourself a cripple.”
Skinny-dipping. Dead rednecks. Penis size jokes. “Now that’s a fish stick.” Gratuitous fish monster trying to dance sexy. Hand through stomach. Gay redneck jokes. Death by beer can. And once more, a fish serving tea.
Comic book panel inserts are used several times during the movie to cheat the action, its’ greatest effect being to convey a car crash where I assume they didn’t have the $$$ to actually destroy two cars. It’s a nice visual treat, and a charming way to get around budgetary restrictions. The film was mostly shot outdoors, where the colored lights and fog machines were working overtime. The nicely done make-up effects help the picture, too. No expensive cranes or CGI, but Griffin’s assured directorial hand manages to get the most visual bang for his buck. Not without minor continuity flaws, but they won’t affect your viewing pleasure.
In other hands, this $12,000 movie could suck real badly. But it doesn’t. The good-naturedly smart-ass writing and snappy editing is really what sets it apart from other similar films. Again Griffin and crew’s cleverness trumps budgetary and monetary limitations. Silly but enjoyable. Order from http://www.shock-o-rama.com/